"You Smell Musty"

Tonight, Grandpa and I were getting ready to go to Mom's house for dinner and trick-or-treating with Nolan, Maddie, and Gunner.  As I was putting his coat on, I noticed that his jacket smelled funny.  I didn't say anything about it because Grandpa had been ready and waiting to leave for well over.. well, the whole day.  The smell became a little more noticeable in the car, but Grandpa didn't say anything, so I figured I was in the clear and could sneak his coat into the wash without him noticing the odor.

We arrived at Mom's and I took Grandpa's jacket off and set it on the sofa.  Grandpa stayed at the house with Mom and Elsie while the rest of us took the kids out trick-or-treating.  Nolan was dressed as Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story, Madeline was a cowgirl, and Gunner was a lion.  Nolan, the social director, had to be the world's slowest trick-or-treater!  He'd start up conversations with all the people handing out candy.   And then, there was Gunner.  He stayed in the wagon for the first few blocks.  A few people dropped candy into his basket, but he didn't quite get the concept of it all.  He'd dig in his basket, find the candy, and throw it on the ground.  After about seven repeats, I took the basket away.  And then, we made the mistake of letting him out of the wagon to walk around!  He followed Nolan and Madeline right up to the first house.  He set his basket on the step and tried to let himself into the house.  He lasted one more block after that and decided he was ready to be done with Halloween.  So, Erin took him home while the rest of us continued along.

When we went back to the house, I went and sat next to Grandpa to fill him in on the trick-or-treating.  We left Mom's and came back home.  I did the dishes, changed into my comfy clothes, and assumed the recliner position.  Grandpa turned the television volume down and said, "Oh... I was going to tell you that your jacket smells musty -- like it's been in storage too long."

October Birthdays!

Colleen, her fiance Zach, and my brother-in-law Mark all have birthdays this week.  Of course, that just gives Grandpa and me one (or three) more reasons to party!

As I was cleaning the kitchen I noticed a bag of overripe bananas I had forgotten about.  So, I did what Grandma Jean probably would have done: Made Banana Bread!  Two loaves of it, actually.  And three mini loves of cranberry banana bread.  Again, I ask -- what the hell happened to Kiki?  Banana bread before making a dinner for sixteen and a half people?  (Gunner would be the half, but I guess I could count him as full human.  After all, he ate half of one of the mini loaves of cranberry banana bread all by himself as an appetizer.) 

This is the recipe I found on my new favorite site: All Recipes

Chicken and Spinach Alfredo Lasagna

• 1 (8 ounce) package lasagna noodles
• 3 cups heavy cream
• 2 (10.75 ounce) cans condensed cream of mushroom soup
• 1 cup grated Parmesan cheese
• 1/4 cup butter
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1/2 large onion, diced
• 4 cloves garlic, sliced
• 5 mushrooms, diced
• 1 roasted chicken, shredded
• salt and ground black pepper to taste
• 1 cup ricotta cheese
• 1 bunch fresh spinach, rinsed
• 3 cups shredded mozzarella cheese

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Cook lasagna noodles for 8 to 10 minutes, or until al dente. Drain, and rinse with cold water.
2. In a saucepan over low heat, mix together heavy cream, cream of mushroom soup, Parmesan cheese, and butter. Simmer, stirring frequently, until well blended.
3. Heat the olive oil in a skillet over medium heat. Cook and stir the onion in olive oil until tender, then add garlic and mushrooms. Mix in the chicken, and cook until heated through. Season with salt and pepper.
4. Lightly coat the bottom of a 9x13 inch baking dish with enough of the cream sauce mixture to coat. Layer with 1/3 of the lasagna noodles, 1/2 cup ricotta, 1/2 of the spinach, 1/2 the chicken mixture, and 1 cup mozzarella. Top with 1/2 the cream sauce mixture, and repeat the layers. Place the remaining noodles on top, and spread with remaining sauce.
5. Bake 1 hour in the preheated oven, or until brown and bubbly. Top with the remaining mozzarella, and continue baking until cheese is melted and lightly browned. 

This was the original recipe, but I read through a bunch of the reviews and decided to make some modifications. 

• Instead of the cream of mushroom soup, I used a jar of Newman's Alfredo Sauce and a can of Campbell's Cream of Chicken Soup.  
• I added a package of cream cheese in place of a cup of the heavy cream.  (I once heard that the secret to awesome Alfredo sauce is cream cheese.)  

I doubled the recipe and found that I didn't quite have enough of the Alfredo sauce to cover the top layer of the lasagna.  It was a little tedious to make, but it was worth it.  

Just Rambling

When Grandma Jean was close to her last days, I flew home from Alaska to be here with the family.  I stayed in this house with Grandpa and twenty-two years of memories.  I slept in the small bedroom off of the living room in the twin bed Grandma took naps in.  I think I cried more tears that year than I have shed in my entire life.  The night Grandma passed away, I slept beside aunt Sandy in the pink room.  I was in the process of crying myself to sleep when I heard Grandpa laughing in the dining room.  Moments later, he peeked in the room and quoted one of David Letterman's jokes.  I can't remember what it was, but I am sure Grandpa's delivery beat Letterman's.    

The entire time I was home for the funeral I stayed here on Sell Street with Grandpa.  When I returned to Alaska, I called him everyday - sometimes twice each day.  I was living in a town named Klawock [Kl-uh-wok] and whenever I'd call, he'd answer the phone, "HELLOOOO Klee-wock!!"  He was even calling me 'Little Kleewock' for a while.  I called him so often that I had managed to memorize the calling card number, plus the sixteen digit pass code.  I bet if I picked up the old cordless phone I had, I'd still remember it.

I've always been close with Grandma and Grandpa, but I think after Grandma died was when Grandpa and I became good buddies.  I remember meeting up with some of my friends from college and bringing Grandpa along with me.  We sat and talked about interpreting for well over an hour and Grandpa just sat with us patiently.  There was one Christmas I was living in Alaska and had decided not to come home for the holiday break.  Well, that did not fly.  Grandpa bought the airline ticket and I flew home on a red-eye.

Sitting in the living room tonight, Grandpa and I are both in our recliners with blankets on our laps.  He keeps falling asleep watching Monday Night Football, but occasionally wakes up to ask if I'm still here.  He says that I'm quieter than a mouse.

Whenever we drive somewhere, he wants to listen to classic country on 104.9 FM.  He'll turn on the radio and start singing along with George Jones and Don Williams.

When we're driving home, he'll guess where we are, and most of the time, he's right.  He can tell the curve in the road by the courthouse.  He knows the right turn onto Highway 52 and knows I always take 18th Street -- not the 13th Street hill. 

Whenever I can tell Grandpa's having a rough day, just talking about Nolan, Madeline, and Gunner will turn that around.

Everyday he tells me he doesn't know what he would do without me.  Whenever he says that, I always think to myself, "Would this be a good time to tell him we need a puppy?"

Profile of Caregiver

Patient  Sense of Humor  Compassion  EmPaThY  DEPENDABLE 

Loving  Cool Under Pressure  Sensitive  CreaTivE  ATTENTIVE

Mature    Respectful tolerant  Selfless 

I am not always patient.  When it comes to assisting Grandpa, no matter how I really feel, I have mastered the tone and demeanor of someone who has all the time in the world.  Just yesterday, it was windy and pouring rain and Grandpa was taking forever getting into the truck.  I spend times like this reminding myself that it's just a little rain and I'll dry off.

Tonight, Grandpa has his television remote in hand while the Brewers play.  About every three or four minutes since the game began, he has hit buttons turning the volume up and down, muting the game, changing channels, and saying, "Oh, what the hell..." every time he does it.  This is not just a tonight occurrence.  It happens all the time.  I've never asked him why he doesn't just put the remote down and leave it.  I have to remember that the television is one of the few things he has and the remote is something he can control.

Sometimes, the TV volume all of a sudden blasts me out of my chair, all I can do is laugh.  A sense of humor makes the day go by a lot more smoothly than it would if Grandpa and I took everything seriously.  We find humor in silly things - television commercials, TV shows, the news, and the great-grandkids.  He loves hearing the clever things those kids say and do.

I try not to feel sorry for Grandpa.  Yes, this entire situation is extremely unfortunate.  His quality of life is not what it used to be, but it could certainly be much worse.  He could have lost more than just his vision and the fact that he can live somewhat independently is a blessing.  I can only imagine what it is like to be in a kitchen I've stood in everyday for over thirty years and have no clue where I am.  Grandpa doesn't really need me to tell him how bad his situation sucks, so if I find him having a pity party, I bring the cake while he pops the balloons.

I'm sure other caregivers will say this, too -- but even though you have to be very selfless, there are times when you need to be selfish.  Today was one of those days I woke up and Grandpa spent the entire morning coming up with things for me to do.  Yesterday was also like this.  He has a habit of calling me into the room and forgetting what he called me for.  Sometimes, I think he just wants company.  So, I'll sit down and within a few minutes, he has me making hot chocolate, checking the mail, or cleaning out his razor.  Caregiver burnout can happen and today could have been one of those days.  I took a selfish two hour trip to Barnes and Noble, JoAnn Fabrics, and had dinner with my sweet little nephew, Gunner.  By the time I made it back just in time to watch the Brewer game, I was completely at ease again. 

Being a full-time caregiver is not easy, but there is a quote that I continue to go back to: "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best."  [Marilyn Monroe]  I had Grandpa at his best and he was always there for me.  If I can't be here for him now, then I didn't deserve him then. 

Kik the Cook

I never EVER thought I would say this, but I am really enjoying teaching myself how to cook.  Mom, Aunt Sandy, Uncle Lyle, Colleen, and Zach joined Grandpa and me for dinner last night.  Here is what I made:

[I found about three or four recipes online and just combined them, modified them, and made my own meal out of it.]

  

Almond Crusted Tilapia with Mandarin Orange Salsa

What You'll Need:

For the Tilapia

A bunch of tilapia fillets

(The recipe called for six.  I made more than that.)

1 Cup chopped toasted almonds

(All I had in the cupboard was mixed nuts, so I used almonds & cashews.)

1 teaspoon brown sugar

(You know how I feel about brown sugar.  There was more than just a teaspoon in there!)

A pinch of nutmeg

(What the hell is 'a pinch'?  I just dumped in whatever fell out of the jar!)

1 (15oz) can of crushed pineapple

(I used a little less than half the can.  The other half I put into the salsa.)

1 Cup flaked coconut

3 Eggs - beaten

• Put the eggs in a shallow bowl
• Mix the almonds, brown sugar, nutmeg, pineapple, and coconut in a separate bowl
• Dip each tilapia fillet in the eggs, then press into the almond mixture
• Place the fillets in a buttered baking pan
• Heat the oven to 350 degrees and bake for 40 minutes

Mandarin Orange Salsa

1 (11oz) Can of Mandarin Oranges

2 teaspoons of Red Chili Paste

2 tablespoons of fresh squeezed lemon juice

Fresh Chopped cilantro leaves

Cut the oranges in half and mix it all together!  Super easy!

Mandarin Orange & Pineapple Salsa

[I made this variation because I don't do spicy, although the other one was not bad at all!]

1 (11oz) Can of Mandarin Oranges

1/2 (15oz) can of Crushed Pineapple 

(The other half went into the almond mix)

1/2 fresh squeezed lemon

Chopped Cilantro

Where's Kiki?

This afternoon, I sat down with my mom's recipe box and sifted through it.  I made note of things I wanted to make, and then started out a grocery list.  I know what you're thinking... "Where in the world is Kiki going to store her textbooks now?"

[Remember this from The Seventh Year Senior?] 

I'm sure I'll find another clever storage space... somewhere!

                                                                                  

Before I went to the grocery store, I did a little Google searching for meal ideas for Grandpa and me! In my browsing, I came across a recipe for mandarin orange salsa that I want to try with tilapia tomorrow night.  Well, the recipe called for red chili paste.  It wasn't until I got to the store that I thought, what in the world is red chili paste?  Better question: WHERE in the world is red chili paste?  After a few voice mails, I finally reached my brother-in-law, Mark.  AND... I found something close enough to it.  We'll see how that goes tomorrow.  

[On a complete side note -- spell check is underlining tilapia for me.  Why is that?  I thought of referring to it as tilapiine cichlid and even this is not making spell check satisfied.]   

So, after I went grocery shopping, I came home and made banana bread.  There were bananas on the counter that had become a little ripe.  Usually, I would just donate them to the landfill, but apparently I am approaching thirty and my mind is working a little differently.  Not to mention, Grandpa loves banana bread.  So, this is my first attempt at banana bread:     

Banana Bread

1/2 cup margarine, softened

1 cup white sugar

2 eggs

1 1/2 cups mashed banana

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

*This is the original recipe.  

I used 1/2 cup white sugar and 1/2 cup brown sugar instead of all white sugar. 

Mostly because I love brown sugar.*

DIRECTIONS:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F

Grease and flour one 9x5 inch pan

(I used two smaller pans because I'm still not familiar with where everything is in the kitchen!)

Cream margarine and sugar until smooth

Beat in eggs, then bananas

Add flour and soda - stir just until combined

Pour into pan and bake at 350 degrees for about an hour

Remove from pan, let cool, and then store in refrigerator or freeze

*Half way through baking, I sprinkled the top with brown sugar.  Again, I love brown sugar!*

So, let's just recap:

• I have dinner planned for tomorrow already.
• Fresh baked banana bread in the kitchen.
• One shed painted
• New batteries in Grandpa's remote.
• Grocery shopping taken care of.
• Caught up on two episodes of One Life to Live
• FINALLY tried the salted caramel mocha at Starbucks -- AWESOME!

And... it's only Tuesday!

Tomorrow is Wednesday.  Wednesday is garbage day.  I tend to forget that.  My iPhone is going to arrive tomorrow, so I'll just drag the garbage to the curb and wait for the iPhone.  I think I've done enough this week so far, so tomorrow can be a slack off day.  Or, not... 

The Shed

I have been talking about painting the sheds in Grandpa's yard for a while.  As you can clearly see from the before pictures, some fresh paint was definitely long overdue!  It will need a second coat tomorrow.  Then the trim.  Then... the second shed. 

My butt has become quite accustomed to spending the day in a recliner editing photos and writing.  I can already 'feel the burn' of my day of shed paining.  We'll see how eager I am to get outside tomorrow morning for DAY 2.  As you can also see from the photos, we have had a gigantic scarecrow stop by the house and pooped all over the yard.  The only bright side of this is that I can't wait to have huge piles of leaves to throw my niece and nephews in! 

Grandpa sat outside with me all day listening to the radio.  When the Brewers came on at 3:00, he would holler down all of the updates for me!  "BRAUN JUST HIT ONE!"  Or, "TWO TO ONE!"  When I would hear a long, drown out "Weeeelllllll... What the hell..."  I figured St. Louis was doing something unacceptable.

I think Grandpa and I will both sleep well tonight!  What a beautiful day.  So glad Grandpa was able to enjoy the outdoors with me today! 

Friday's Doctor Visit

I never understood why they called them doctor visits until now.  Grandpa will visit with just about anybody -- including his doctors. 

Whenever Grandpa and I drive anywhere - this is how I picture us: Hanging out the window with those spinning things hooting and hollering all the way!  On the way to his last doctor appointment two weeks ago, I saw a car that had a stuffed pig just like this one from the Geico commercial.  I need to get my hands on one of those because that would just be perfect for Grandpa and me.   

Grandpa's appointment was for 11:20 AM on Friday.  I've never seen anyone so pumped about a doctor appointment, and not just this one!  Every doctor appointment is a treat for Grandpa.  I still think he hopes that one of these appointments will be good news about his vision.  Unfortunately, we haven't had luck, yet. 

Grandpa's doctor is leaving the practice and she was wonderful through all of this, so we're sad to see her go.  We stopped to pick up a bouquet of flowers before the appointment.  Grandpa had me sign the card, 'Your Miracle Patient' because that is what she would call him.  Indeed!

The nurse called him back and I escorted him.  They had him step on the scale and Grandpa guessed his weight.  Off by one.  Then, we went into the exam room.  He guessed his blood pressure, and again, he was off by a very little.  I think I'll go buy some Powerball tickets and have him guess the numbers. 

Then, the nurse left and the doctor came in.  The doctor left and before the nurse came back with the flu shot, Grandpa took his arm out of his sweatshirt and sat there all ready with his arm hanging out.  It was a good five minutes just sitting there with his sweatshirt pulled up to his neck.  The nurse walked in and laughed.  "Oh, you have your arm out already!  CUTE!"

I am guessing that the questions they ask must be mandatory?!  Like, "Have you had the flu shot before?", "Are you feeling sick today?", and...

NURSE: Are you pregnant?
GRANDPA: Well... no, not today.

Really?  She didn't say it like she was being funny.  Maybe she knew Grandpa and his sense of humor and thought she'd see what kind of reply she'd get?  Or, maybe she was just on autopilot?  Who knows, but it was funny. 

After the flu shot and the doctor visit, we went to The Blue Willow for lunch.  Grandpa likes that place, but it's not really set up well for walking around with blind Grandpa.  He only ran into a few people and one cart full of dirty dishes.  It probably wouldn't have happened if I could decipher RIGHT from LEFT a little more promptly.  Poor Grandpa. 

And then, there are the people who stare at us until about 5 minutes after we sit down.  It actually does not bother me.  One day, I would LOVE to start picking my nose, pulling out wedgies, crossing my eyes, or whatever else I feel like doing.  At some point, I am going to take off my socks and eat with my feet.  It would be luck that at the very moment I start eating with my toes, Grandpa's vision would come back and that would be the first thing he sees.  I think I'll just continue handling everything in stride -- just like Grandpa.

Ah...

Just another day... Just Grandpa & Kiki! 

The Lovebirds

Last summer, Mom came back from the family reunion with a pair of lovebirds that she won.  When she told me this last year, the picture that popped in my head was a plywood table on saw horses with jars that held birds and people throwing ping pong balls at the birds to win them.  I never asked if this was accurate, but judging by these birds, it would not surprise me if they have taken a few ping pong balls to the head. 

Since they arrived here on Sell Street, they have made a home in their cage in the laundry room.  I used to love the smell of clean laundry until I started sniffing in bird feathers with each whiff.  And they are naughty.  The little shits figured out how to open up their little food window and dump their food dish out onto the floor.  It is as if they know the vacuum cleaner is my arch-nemesis.  It kind of bites them in the ass, though.  They are deathly afraid of the vacuum.  I've explained to them that the best way to avoid the big 1970s suck machine is to leave their food dish in the cage where it belongs.  They wouldn't listen, so we put little plastic hoods on their dishes.  Now they can't push them out.  I thought maybe having a little cover on their water dish would also solve the problem of them pooping in their water.  Well...... nope.

But, Grandpa seems to enjoy their company so I am trying to warm up to them.  Grandpa whistles at them and they whistle back.  Sometimes they just whistle for hours non-stop.  (The birds -- not Grandpa!)  This morning I found them huddled in the corner of the bottom of the cage and wondered why they were in a timeout. 

I used to have parakeets when I was young.  I didn't mind the mess, but those birds were also tame and would try to amputate my hands when I'd clean the cage, or change the food and water.  These beasts have drawn blood a few times, so now I use a pair of Grandpa's gloves whenever I need to enter their nest.

Unfortunately, these little stinkers have been ruling the roost for over a year and still do not have names.  They really should have names.  Here are a few I've come up with:

• Dan & Roseanne 
• Porter & Dolly
• Bill & Hillary 
• Bird 1 & Bird 2
• Fred & Wilma
• Weezer & Weeza
• Hookline & Sinker
• Prince & Fielder
• Lloyd & Harriette
• Fu & Manchu

I will have to run these by Grandpa...

Kiki in the Kitchen

Grandma Jean was amazing in the kitchen and she kept Grandpa well fed.  I went to middle school right across the street from this house, so sometimes I would be able to walk here after school.  She'd whip together a great meal in no time at all. 

That's the difference between Grandma Jean and me.  She could look into a refrigerator and see a half gallon of milk, a few eggs, and butter and see endless possibilities.  If that's what I see in the fridge, it's time to go to the grocery store to buy more TV dinners.

Well, in seven months I am going to be entering my thirties.  It's about time I start playing around in the kitchen more and develop my own collection of recipes.

Last night, I made Grandpa Tortellini Alfredo.  I could live on tortellini, and I think at a few points in m life - I did.  For the first time ever, I made the sauce from scratch using a recipe I found on allrecipes.com.  Of course, the incredible planner that I am had already started making the tortellini when I decided to make a sauce, so I didn't have time to go to the store to buy the missing ingredients.

The original recipe called for:

1/2 cup of butter
8 oz cream cheese
2 cups milk
 2 teaspoons garlic powder
6 oz grated Parmesan cheese
1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper

I did not have the Parmesan cheese, so I threw in some mozzarella instead.  All of you top chefs are probably thinking, "What the heck are you doing?"  Well, in Kiki's kitchen - cheese is cheese.  It worked.  And, now that I look at the ingredients, I realize that I didn't include the pepper.

To make the sauce: Melt the butter in a saucepan.  Add the cream cheese and garlic powder.  Whisk until smooth.  Add the milk a little at a time while whisking to smooth out the lumps.  Add the Parmesan and pepper.  (Or, forget the pepper.  I did and the kitchen didn't blow up.)  Stir until it reaches desired consistency, or until Grandpa starts asking how much longer it's going to take.

It says it makes 4 servings.  I found it to be a lot.  I could have done half what it called for and had plenty.

I dug out some chicken strips I found in the freezer and put them in a frying pan, then mixed the tortellini, sauce, and chicken together in a pot with peas.  (The microwave steam peas are quick and easy!)  To top it off, I put a few strips of bacon in the frying pan and sprinkled it on top.

And... Grandpa liked it.

So, with the fall arriving and winter right around the corner, I have decided to do a weekly family dinner.  Every Wednesday night is going to be my kitchen fest!  Not only am I learning how to conquer the kitchen, it will be good to bring people together once a week and give Grandpa something to look forward to.  AND, if the meal flops, I have Domino's on speed dial.

 

Facebook Status Updates

October 3, 2011 

So, I'm in the back of Mom's car - Mom's driving. Grandpa's in the passenger seat. Shannon & the kids are next to us at a red light. Mom tries to be all cool by putting the car in "N" and revving her engine. Well, it was in "Reverse" and she missed flying into the front of the car behind her by several inches.
MOM: I can't be around Shannon anymore! At least I had a good reflection!
GRANDPA: Reaction!! OR... did you have such a good reflection that you weren't paying attention...

Mom brought Grandpa lunch today.
MOM: Do you like pot pies, Dad?
GRANDPA: Of course I do. It's lunch in a pot.
MOM: You want to smoke what?
GRANDPA: I want to smoke a pot pie.
Another intelligent lunch conversation in the Kainz house today.

Grandpa's listening to the Amanda Knox updates.
Grandpa: I think the butler did it.

 September 28, 2011

Just spent two minutes listening to some strange noises, including coughs, hacking, and a belch, coming from Grandpa's recliner. I looked over and before I could ask if he was okay he said, "There. How did you like that?"
"Nice." I said.
[He requested a beer for the game tonight and I obliged. I see he handles liquor like I do.]

 

 [Phone Rings.  Grandpa Answers!]

GRANDPA: Hello!!  

AUNT SANDY: Hi Papa!  How are you? 

GRANDPA: Just TERRIBLE!!!  

AUNT SANDY: Oh, why's that?  

GRANDPA: I'M DRUNK!!

 

Grandpa: Your mom and Elsie went to church in Hogarty on Sunday. Then they went out for lunch. I think that's their new ritual.
Me: Well, I guess we'll have to start our own ritual. We'll go to church and then go to Showtime (a 'gentleman's club').
Grandpa: [Laughs] Well, I don't think you'd have to worry about me there.
Me: Actually, you should be glad you're blind. Sunday is amateur night.
Grandpa: How do you know?

 September 27, 2011

Grandpa: Call Sandy and see if she's watching the game.
Me: Ok. I'll send her a text.
{Aunt Sandy Calls}
Grandpa: Did you get Melissa's fax?

September 26, 2011

Grandpa: Thank you for being my friend.
Me: Thank YOU for being MY friend.
Grandpa: Well, that sounds like a fun situation. And if I ever get my eyes working again, I'll have you take my picture.

 September 21, 2011

Grandpa (talking about a business owner he knew): You could hardly understand him 'cause he talked Brooklyn ... like he was some kind of foreigner!
Me: Yeah, damn those Brooklyn foreigners, I tell ya!

 September 19, 2011

Me: Boy, the Brewers better get their butts' in gear.
Grandpa: Are you on Uecker's Pagebook... or Bookpage...
Me: Facebook?
Grandpa: Yeah, Facebook!
Me: No I'm not.
Grandpa: Well, get on it and tell him....

September 18, 2011

Grandpa just gave me some random tax advice. Apparently, he says I should file under the name "Bernice Madoff"... common sense tells me that is not a good idea.

September 12, 2011

Grandpa: Grilled cheese sounds good, doesn't it?
Me: Are you hungry?
Grandpa: Nah, not really.

September 4, 2011

Grandpa: What are the Cubs doing?
Me: They are playing baseball.
Grandpa: <laughs> yeah, but are they ahead or behind?

September 2, 2011

Brewers game is on. Started slipping into a peaceful coma on the sofa when I awake to Grandpa tapping me on the head.
Grandpa: Were you sleeping???

August 23, 2011

[Grandpa has been talking about meatloaf for two days!]
Me: Ok. Meatloaf is in the oven. We'll eat around 6:00.
Grandpa: Oh, we don't have to have meatloaf tonight...

August 16, 2011

Truck is in the shop, but I have a SWEET Jeep for the week. I think I'll take Grandpa cruising for chicks later...

August 1, 2011

Grandpa: I think I'd like some hot chocolate.
Madeline: I want hot chocolate, too.
[Madeline follows me into the kitchen.]
Madeline: How come Grandpa wants hot chocolate in the summer?
Me: Well, I don't know. Why do you want hot chocolate in the summer?
Madeline: Because Grandpa does.

 July 7, 2011

HAPPY 74th Birthday to Grandpa Larry!!!! Madeline is baffled, though. "You can have a birfday if you don't have eyesight?"

July 5, 2011

Grandpa: "What channel am I on?"
Me: "53."
Grandpa: "I'm trying to get to 56. I gotta see what's going on with Susan B. Anthony... or ... what's her name? Chelsea? Cheesy??"
Me: "Casey?"
Grandpa: "Yeah, that one."

 

The Upsides of Blindness

If you ask Grandpa what the upsides of blindness are, I know exactly what he'll say: Nuthin'.  If you ask me what I think Grandpa should know are the upsides of blindness, I'll have a different story to tell. 

The first would be that even though he has no vision and may never see again, we came pretty close to losing him last year.  There could have been many different outcomes and while vision loss is frustrating, he's here with us. 

And then, I would proceed to let him know that if he weren't blind, he would see what a mess his house is.  Mostly because I am not a very good housekeeper.  Doing dishes really does not thrill me, so sometimes I'll stand at the sink with the water running while I text people, raid the fridge and cupboards, or go into the laundry room and torment the lovebirds.  (Yes, Mom won a set of lovebirds at a family reunion and left them here to keep Grandpa company.  If I forgot to thank you for that, Mom, it's because they're mean.) 

My cooking skills are even more impressive than the housekeeping skills I have.  Grandpa wanted an omelet one morning, so I made one.  Kind of.  It was more like scrambled slop.  Fortunately, the taste wasn't bad.  Looking at it was quite unappetizing, so in this instance, he was very blessed he could not see what he was eating.

Of course, I cannot forget to mention that sometimes I'm too tired to remove my make-up before bed.  This morning for instance, I woke up with streams of mascara down the sides of my cheeks and crusted eyelashes.  That was a sight I didn't really want to see, so... lucky Grandpa!

Without vision, Grandpa can't see me flip off the 1960's vacuum cleaner that never cooperates with me.  He can't see that Uncle Lyle really isn't wearing a dress, like Uncle Larry says he is.  He can only imagine that Kristen is really reading a Playboy in the doctor's office waiting room. 

He also hasn't been able to see his great-grandchildren grow, but they still sit on his lap and make him turn on cartoons while they're here.  He may not be able to drive, but I'll take him anywhere he wants to go.  AND, he doesn't even have to call shotgun because it's reserved for him. 

Everyday could be full of the downsides of the aftermath of the May 2010 surgery.  Somehow, we both still manage to laugh a little!