October 3, 2011
So, I'm in the back of Mom's car - Mom's driving. Grandpa's in the passenger seat. Shannon & the kids are next to us at a red light. Mom tries to be all cool by putting the car in "N" and revving her engine.
Well, it was in "Reverse" and she missed flying into the front of the
car behind her by several inches.
MOM: I can't be around Shannon anymore! At least I had a good reflection!
GRANDPA: Reaction!! OR... did you have such a good reflection that you weren't paying attention...
Mom brought Grandpa lunch today.
MOM: Do you like pot pies, Dad?
GRANDPA: Of course I do. It's lunch in a pot.
MOM: You want to smoke what?
GRANDPA: I want to smoke a pot pie.
Another intelligent lunch conversation in the Kainz house today.
Grandpa's listening to the Amanda Knox updates.
Grandpa: I think the butler did it.
September 28, 2011
Just
spent two minutes listening to some strange noises, including coughs,
hacking, and a belch, coming from Grandpa's recliner. I looked over and
before I could ask if he was okay he said, "There. How did you like
that?"
"Nice." I said.
[He requested a beer for the game tonight and I obliged. I see he handles liquor like I do.]
[Phone Rings. Grandpa Answers!]
GRANDPA: Hello!!
AUNT SANDY: Hi Papa! How are you?
GRANDPA: Just TERRIBLE!!!
AUNT SANDY: Oh, why's that?
GRANDPA: I'M DRUNK!!
Grandpa:
Your mom and Elsie went to church in Hogarty on Sunday. Then they went
out for lunch. I think that's their new ritual.
Me: Well, I guess we'll have to start our own ritual. We'll go to church and then go to Showtime (a 'gentleman's club').
Grandpa: [Laughs] Well, I don't think you'd have to worry about me there.
Me: Actually, you should be glad you're blind. Sunday is amateur night.
Grandpa: How do you know?
September 27, 2011
Grandpa: Call Sandy and see if she's watching the game.
Me: Ok. I'll send her a text.
{Aunt Sandy Calls}
Grandpa: Did you get Melissa's fax?
September 26, 2011
Grandpa: Thank you for being my friend.
Me: Thank YOU for being MY friend.
Grandpa: Well, that sounds like a fun situation. And if I ever get my eyes working again, I'll have you take my picture.
September 21, 2011
Grandpa
(talking about a business owner he knew): You could hardly understand
him 'cause he talked Brooklyn ... like he was some kind of foreigner!
Me: Yeah, damn those Brooklyn foreigners, I tell ya!
September 19, 2011
Me: Boy, the Brewers better get their butts' in gear.
Grandpa: Are you on Uecker's Pagebook... or Bookpage...
Me: Facebook?
Grandpa: Yeah, Facebook!
Me: No I'm not.
Grandpa: Well, get on it and tell him....
September 18, 2011 Grandpa just gave me some random tax advice. Apparently, he says I should file under the name "Bernice Madoff"... common sense tells me that is not a good idea.
September 12, 2011
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