Profile of Caregiver

Patient  Sense of Humor  Compassion  EmPaThY  DEPENDABLE 

Loving  Cool Under Pressure  Sensitive  CreaTivE  ATTENTIVE

Mature    Respectful tolerant  Selfless 

I am not always patient.  When it comes to assisting Grandpa, no matter how I really feel, I have mastered the tone and demeanor of someone who has all the time in the world.  Just yesterday, it was windy and pouring rain and Grandpa was taking forever getting into the truck.  I spend times like this reminding myself that it's just a little rain and I'll dry off.

Tonight, Grandpa has his television remote in hand while the Brewers play.  About every three or four minutes since the game began, he has hit buttons turning the volume up and down, muting the game, changing channels, and saying, "Oh, what the hell..." every time he does it.  This is not just a tonight occurrence.  It happens all the time.  I've never asked him why he doesn't just put the remote down and leave it.  I have to remember that the television is one of the few things he has and the remote is something he can control.

Sometimes, the TV volume all of a sudden blasts me out of my chair, all I can do is laugh.  A sense of humor makes the day go by a lot more smoothly than it would if Grandpa and I took everything seriously.  We find humor in silly things - television commercials, TV shows, the news, and the great-grandkids.  He loves hearing the clever things those kids say and do.

I try not to feel sorry for Grandpa.  Yes, this entire situation is extremely unfortunate.  His quality of life is not what it used to be, but it could certainly be much worse.  He could have lost more than just his vision and the fact that he can live somewhat independently is a blessing.  I can only imagine what it is like to be in a kitchen I've stood in everyday for over thirty years and have no clue where I am.  Grandpa doesn't really need me to tell him how bad his situation sucks, so if I find him having a pity party, I bring the cake while he pops the balloons.

I'm sure other caregivers will say this, too -- but even though you have to be very selfless, there are times when you need to be selfish.  Today was one of those days I woke up and Grandpa spent the entire morning coming up with things for me to do.  Yesterday was also like this.  He has a habit of calling me into the room and forgetting what he called me for.  Sometimes, I think he just wants company.  So, I'll sit down and within a few minutes, he has me making hot chocolate, checking the mail, or cleaning out his razor.  Caregiver burnout can happen and today could have been one of those days.  I took a selfish two hour trip to Barnes and Noble, JoAnn Fabrics, and had dinner with my sweet little nephew, Gunner.  By the time I made it back just in time to watch the Brewer game, I was completely at ease again. 

Being a full-time caregiver is not easy, but there is a quote that I continue to go back to: "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best."  [Marilyn Monroe]  I had Grandpa at his best and he was always there for me.  If I can't be here for him now, then I didn't deserve him then.