How to Drive Your Caregiver Insane

GRANDPA: Hey, we need to call... um... uhhh... oh, what's his name?

It is with this line that I can almost feel a gray hair sprout on top of my head.  See, I know how this is goin to go.  It's going to start with a guessing game trying to figure out who he wants to call.  Then, the frustration of tracking down the phone number.

GRANDPA: [continues]  Ack, YOU KNOW!  I gotta take money out for the taxes...

MOM: Don?

GRANDPA: YEAH!!  That's it!!  Don!

MOM:  Sandy's coming tomorrow.  You can take care of it tomorrow.

[Mom leaves to go back to work.]

[Grandpa turns down the volume on the television.]

GRANDPA:  Look on your computer and see if you can find Don's number.

KIKI: Do you have Don's last name?

GRANDPA:  [A series of deep-in-thought grunting, sighs, and ugghhss come from his direction] UNION!  DON UNION!!!

So, I type in "Don Union" into the magical little Internet search to see what I can come up with.

GRANDPA: Well?

The screen is full of different recommendations, but nothing looks like what I'm supposed to be looking for... whatever the hell it is I am looking for.

KIKI: I need more information than just a name, I think.  Where does he work?

[Another long series of intense thinking brainstorming]

GRANDPA: Fax Sandy!!

[I start "faxing" aunt Sandy an e-mail message.]

GRANDPA: American... something...

KIKI: How about an address?

GRANDPA: It's on South 3rd Avenue.

[So, I finish the e-mail to Aunt Sandy and do a search for businesses on South 3rd Avenue for anything resembling a financial advisor!!]

KIKI: FOUND IT!!!!

[I go over to his chair and dial the phone number for him.  I wanted to just throw the phone out the window when I heard ... <ding><ding><ding> The number you are trying to reach has been disconnected. . .]

GRANDPA: Well, that's not it.

[And, it's back to the drawing board!]

GRANDPA: Did you search for "Don Union"?

KIKI: Yes!  South 3rd Avenue.  Grandpa, why don't we just wait until Aunt Sandy gets back to me.  Or, she is coming over tomorrow.  I'm sure she knows the number...

GRANDPA: WELL... I can't wait until tomorrow!  This needs to be taken care of by the 31st!  Call information...

KIKI: I need the business name to do that...

GRANDPA: Search again for "Don Union N 3rd Avenue" And Union has a J.

[Mental head bash against a pretend wall!  So, I do a search for Don Junion S 3rd Avenue.... and... still, nothing.  BUT, a search result brings up 17th Avenue.]

KIKI: Could they be located on 17th Avenue?

GRANDPA:  [Obviously frustrated with me] NO!

KIKI:  Well, I found a Don Junion on 17th Avenue... [already at the phone dialing the number]

I handed Grandpa the phone and Don was out of the office.

This type of thing is a daily occurrence in the house, so it isn't any wonder that the house is a mess and my graduate school application is still in-progress and not DONE.  I am now sitting at a local coffee shop enjoying a little quiet time.  Every care giver needs a little quiet time to reflect on how the hell I managed to put on 30 pounds since moving in with Grandpa.