The WOman of the House

Imagine This: 

5'2" tall Kiki goes to buy a Christmas tree.  The guy puts in the back of the truck and away she goes.  Slowly.  Because the tailgate is open and the tree is hanging out the back.  Not secured.  She pulls in the driveway, drags it out, picks it up, smashes it into a few doors, walls, and appliances.  She puts the tree in the stand and secures it.  All 10' of it. 

Now Imagine This:

A mouse croaked right in front of the freezer in the basement.  Kiki stood four feet away flashing lights, hollering, jumping up and down, and throwing things at it to make sure it was dead.

Two weeks later:

The mouse is still dead on the basement floor in front of the freezer.  [Note: D-Con will prevent mice from decomposing, apparently.]  When the hot water goes out, there is no other option than to walk by the mouse to get to the fuse box.  Uncle Lyle must not have noticed it when he went down to check it out.  Damn.  So, Kiki had no choice but to find a plastic bag, a broom, and a dustpan to take care of the mouse.  And, she did.

And Imagine This:
Kiki rolls out of bed yesterday with a nasty sore throat and headache.  She makes the coffee, prepares Grandpa's breakfast tray, and plops herself down for a do-nothing day.  Grandpa wakes up and starts flipping through channels and sipping his coffee.
GRANDPA: I suppose we could get my shower out of the way.
So, Kiki pops some Ibuprofen and gets the shower out of the way.
Mom comes over with Nolan and Madeline.  She bought Nolan and Madeline each a bag full of candy, toys, and Kiki's least personal favorite, penny whistles.
MOM: You have two choices: You can clean up the kitchen or go to the grocery store.
Kiki opted for choice 3: NAP.

Later in the day, Mom had wrapped up her baking.  The great room was still torn apart from putting the tree up.
MOM: You want me to help you clean up?
KIKI: Nah, I'll do it tomorrow.
GRANDPA: Well, go in there and help her.

So, Kiki did.
When she was done with the great room, she did the dining room, then vacuumed up enough bird seed and bird feathers to make a whole new bird and feed it for a month.  Then, Grandpa tipped his recliner back and she vacuumed around his chair.  And has it been mentioned that Grandpa has the first vacuum cleaner ever made?  It sucks.

THEN Imagine This:
Kiki's been working on Christmas cards for well over a week.  As soon as she thinks she's DONE, Grandpa asks, "HEY -- Did you remember (________) ?"
Today has gone something like this:
GRANDPA: You got enough money for stamps?
KIKI: Yep.

{10 Minutes Later}
GRANDPA: If you want to go to the post office right away, I can ride along.
KIKI: Well, I have a few more things that need to get mailed out and I need to finish them up.
GRANDPA: Oh, okay.  To the post office?
KIKI: Yes.

{30 Minutes Later}
GRANDPA: How are you signing those Christmas cards?
KIKI: Well, it depends on who they are going to.
GRANDPA: Oh.  Ok.  Are you painting your nails?
KIKI: Y e  a  h. . .
GRANDPA: I knew it!  I can smell it!  That's okay, though.  You can finish.

{A Little While Later}
GRANDPA: So, are you going after those stamps?  Or, are you going to just take the cards to the post office and put them on there?
KIKI: Well, I'll probably just take them all with me when I go.
GRANDPA: Right now?
KIKI: No, I have some DVDs burning.  I will probably go to the post office in the morning.

{Another Little While Later}
GRANDPA: Sooooo.... how long is the post office open?
KIKI: Probably until 6:00?  I am not sure.
GRANDPA: Well, what time is it right now.
KIKI: It's 5:40.
GRANDPA: Well, you probably won't make it today, huh?


{I've got the Diet Coke.  The question is: Where is the Booze?}